Bella Demhat is a transgender woman of Kurdish ethnicity who fled Türkiye in 2017 after being detained and beaten by police during Istanbul Pride, receiving death threats from her family, and facing persecution for her activism with Pink Life Association and the pro-Kurdish HDP party. She has lived in Sweden for 9 years, building a life and community. But on March 19, 2026, the UN Human Rights Committee issued a negative decision on her case. She is now detained in a deportation center. Swedish authorities can still stop her deportation to Turkey, where her life is at risk.
30th of May 2026
I have taken my first shower. It’s my second day at the deportation center. I don’t know how I fell asleep or woke up. I can’t decide whether the bed is more like a hospital bed or a prison bed. Made from fake leather, hard as a rock. Those who know me also know that I sleep with five pillows. I’m not sure why, but I surround myself with pillows. I suppose it comes from a self-preservation instinct. It makes me feel more at ease. You know how they say “let’s not get too close and put pillows between us instead.” That’s probably where my love of pillows comes from. I started sleeping with five pillows after I was subjected to sexual abuse from the person I called my brother. I tried to protect not only my body but also my life with the pillows I surrounded myself with. They didn’t actually kept me safe, but that’s what I believed as a child… The pillow made of fake leather is neither warm nor cold but very sticky. It makes you want to wash yourself. In the shower here, you press on a button which sprays water every 40 seconds. There’s no shower head. I don’t like cold showers at all. Because when my older brothers found out I was queer, they forced me into the shower and tortured me with cold water. The shower in the deportation center is no different. It’s not the same in form but in spirit, in the way it makes me feel. Everyone probably already knows, but for those who didn’t know me until now, I’ll write it down anyway: I am a trans woman. My hair removal is not complete yet, I have a few hairs remaining on my chin. I shave them with a razor. Or rather, I was shaving them. It’s forbidden to bring razors here. Because I could kill myself. They’re afraid that the people they shove inside might kill themselves. “Stay alive but don’t live here.” The irony. Anyway, they gave me the razor. A completely useless razor. Even if you were to consider harming yourself, you couldn’t go through with it. That’s how blunt it was, between plastic and metal. Of no use to someone who has thick hairs like me. I take the razor and shave my face. As I clean off the manliness from my face as a female officer watches over me. To make sure I don’t cut myself… She doesn’t know that what I really want to do isn’t to cut myself but to burn down this entire world. They ruin our lives and watch us burn alive in the fire they’ve throw us into, or rot away between four mouldy walls. And they call it international affairs. Migration policies, family policies, social structure… they come in all sorts of names. What they all have in common is our ruin. Greetings to all the trans women who carry razor blades under their tongues, from this remote corner of Sweden, this deportation center I’ve been forced into. Greetings to those who learn and teach how to protect themselves by carrying a razor under their tongue. Damned be the system which forces us to do this. The patriarchy, my family, the abject migration policies — may they all be damned! May this world which makes me live on edge in a country where I have lived for many years, gotten married and built a life. Despite all of this, I am thankful to all those who haven’t left me alone by showing the kindness of solidarity and making sure my voice gets heard.
You can show solidarity with Bella by signing the petition on savebella.org.